Apologies

today is a sentimental day.

met up with a fren, whom i know have like me for a very long time. due to certain circumstances, i cannot like him back.

and although i have all along known that he liked me, i choose to avoid the issue all these while. nah. don't get me wrong, i did tell him before that we are impossible. i was quite taken aback when i learn that he still likes me after so long. anyway my fren is seeing someone now. :) best wishes for him. i'm sure he'll treat you better than i ever can. :)

the meeting with him actually triggered me into thinking.. why is it that people likes me? i never thought of myself as good looking, i never think that i am charming, i'm not extremely sociable. maybe cos i'm stocky, and i'm str8 acting ba.... i have been looking for answers for long time. many people do not like me at first sight, but did tell me that they think i look better and better the longer they look at me.

was chatting with another fren over the internet the other day, and he suddenly told me the following.

"i read one of your entries asking yourself what other people see in you"

"you have a very distinct smoky look which is very sexy"

"maybe its the eyes or the way you look at people.. also, your body language"

at that point of time, this fren of mine, have met me once.... recently he have met me for the 2nd time, i wonder if he still thinks the same. haha anyway. thanks for the compliment. :)

Another friend told me that its because i make people feel very comfortable in my presence. which is rather contridicting again. cos i know that people is intimidated by me.

anyway...... seriously..... to anyone reading this.....if i have ever broke your heart, with or without me knowing about it........ i'm hereby express my deepest apologies..... i might had broke your heart, when you thought that everything was going well, i might have broke your heart when you least expects it....... i have not meant for things to turn out this way. once again deepest apologies.........Best Wishes.


Song Of The Day: 梁靜茹《為我好》

When Love Fades....

Do you believe in LTR?

Well, i don't. i believes that Fairytale, that comprises of the 2 charactors living happily ever after are just a fantasies, created by people who were heart-broken. Trying to encourage themselves that their next relationships will be similar to their fantasies.

how long is considered Long-Term? how do you differnciate a very short Long-Term, and a very long Short-Term relationships?

Every couple falls in love with the hope that their love will last forever. but nothing lasts forever. You might argue that you once read somewhere that whose love for someone else is forever. but they are now what you studied in your secondary school. they are now called HISTORY.

as i quoted in my previous posting, the affection you feel for someone suddenly, is called crush. a crush is actually just a chemical reaction that is caused by your brain. and that chemical reaction only lasts up to 2 years.

Love fades. no matter how hard you try to keep it interesting.

The interest of human beings is something very complex. what you gets easily, you will never cherish it. its just like a piece of steak that you won in a lucky draw. it will never taste better than the ones you paid for. People tends to take things for granted. its just in human nature.

who you always ended up with, usually are not the ones that you truely like. but yet, those you truely like, never seem to like you back.

many have dated people whom they dun mind. but as times goes by, they got so accustomed to it that they find it impossible to break away from the relationship.

i have known of many cases where even the most devoted bf strays to temptation.

My theory in dating. as long as i dun detest that person. i am quite willing to give people chances for people who likes me. it may be just a simple plain dinner, or it could be just a sleep over, or it could even be sex.

i am capable of doing either Open relationship, or monogamy. however, it must be decided upfront. before i commit myself to the relationship.

many people do not believes that i can be very monogamy, given my experience and my motto. Well. proven that i could. only if i feel its worth it.

someone once told me that they feel very insecure when being with me. as if i have the tendercy to dump them anytime. one even told me that its like a feeling of having a time bomb tied to his body. not knowing when that bomb will suddenly explode.

underneath my strong and careless appearance, actually lies a soft and fragile interior. yeap, i am quite well know for being heartless when required, i am well know for building a wall between me and others. that, all are actaully my form of self protection.

i can get over an emotion outbreak in 24 hours now. but like i always said. i am TRAINED to become like that. i shall not go into details on what i have to go through to get there. yeap, i can control my sadness, but that doesn't mean that i feel nothing. but just that overtime, i have discovered that, the more sadness you show on your face, the more difficult it will be to get over a relationship.

and yes, even if you were the one who wanted to end the relationship, you will be sad too.

people always have a misconception that, the party who initiated the breaks off, will not be as sad as the one being dumped. Wrong. the emotional attachment between 2 parties are not built overnight. they too have taken quite a number of procedures and time to come to that stage. it is painful for both party that a relationship have to end. just that one party is willing to face reality earlier.

whenever my friends are being dumped by their lovers, and they start going on and on about how much more they can give to the relationship, and start listing me a very long list of, "What Ifs" in self pity.

i merely tell them coldly, there are no What Ifs. its your rights to feel sad. its your rights to even cry. but then, after you have released your emotions, live goes on. Do Not keep going round in circles, about your What Ifs.. its become a reality that he no longer loves you, he loves someone else now. handle the situation with grace.

i simply can't stand those who use their lives to threaten their partner into going back to them. i mean... what meaning is there? he is only with you, cos he do not want to be responsible for your life. what's the point of having him, when his heart is no longer with you?

and i can only say, the more drama you are, the more impossible it is for him to come back to you.

Love shouldn't becomes hate. afterall, the 2 people did not come together overnight. they both went through a long period of "get to know" sequence... When the love cease to do its magic, let it naturally turns into a love for a friend. afterall, nobody know you more than he do, and vice versa. dun throw everything down the drain by going around bad mouthing him. what happened when the 2 of you are in pvt, shall remain in pvt.

many people realised that they do not know much about my past, is simply cos i do not like to talk about it too much.

Yes, you can let go to your close friends...... but not to every tom dick and harry that you cross path with.

i've come across people whom, upon being asked "what happened?" they will go on and on and on about how bad their ex treated them, how good they were to their ex, and what their ex did to them... blah blah blah... at the end of the day, what do you gain from telling people how bad your ex was? are you hoping that it will elevate your ethics? nah..... it will only show people how drama you can be. it will only reflects how narrow minded you really are....

okie. i'm getting too sentimental tonite i guess.....

Song Of The Day: Vonda Shepard - Baby, Don't You Break My Heart Slow

BW Chalet

last year i joined BW as a member, and attended their 2nd anniversary party, which was hosted in a KTV......

so fast.... another year passed liao. and BW just celebrated their 3rd anniversary in a chalet.

looking back, i have made friends with quite a few BWers, some even became quite close friends with me, due to the regular mahjong sessions. (Read: Top 3 haha)

anyway, me and taka went to the chalet together at around 5pm. it was really a torture trying to find our way to the chalet. me and taka got off the bus based on my instincts, as we totally have no clue where is the place. when we finally got off the bus, i called LC and he told me a road name. which.... HENG AH!..... is just opposite the road nia. haha (started the night very Luckily!) haha however, the road up the chalet was hell.... ALL Up-slopes~ anyway we finally managed to locate the unit, again based on my primative instinct. haha (must rem to buy toto based on my instinct in future) and already, NFB, Lupcheong, Asura, chubbyboi, stb, SS, ah chat and friend were there.

me and taka greeted everyone.... and we went around exploring the place... for pictures of the place, please refer to my fren LupCheong's blog

Were a tiny bit disappointed with the place, haha compared to the chalet by Cougar last year, it was quite run down... but then, it feels quite homely lar. mostly due to the company we had there.

1/2 hour later.. we decided to start our mahjong without delay! haha it was afterall our prime motive, when we decided to go one day earlier. LC and myself quickily went upstairs to secure an aircon room to ourself, and we assembled the mahjong table that LC brought along for us. (It was really matchy with the furniture in the room!!! haha) LC, NFB , Taka and myself, quickily got comfortable and started our mahjong. anyway this time round, we were playing "Who throw who pay all". meaning, only the thrower will have to pay for himself, and the other 2 player, to the winner.!!! every game kenna BAO~ haha exciting and quite addictive.

we soon realised that downstairs at the living room, another mahjong table have started too. haha the beginners table.

the beginners table only played one round of mahjong, and they went to watch movie. by the time they came back from movie.... we were still playing mahjong! (so satisfying!) haha okie. i think i'm a mahjong addict. i gave up "Dark Knights" for mahjong!

after our mahjong ended, i went over to the next room and started the drinking session with Tampy, Ss, ah fren and elmo. ah chat was sitting there watching us. we were playing card games, the loser will have to drink whatever amount of whisky that the winner pours. that was when it was getting fun. no matter how hard we try, ah chat simply refuse to drink with us. haha

Elmo was the first one to show sign that he was high. haha he was drinking ever slowly from the plastic cup! slowing words that came out of his mouth becomes mumble. But he keep insisting that he was not drunk. haha

Tampy was next. but then the thing about tampy is that... when he becomes drunk, he falls asleep. and he ends up sleeping on the floor hugging a pillow. SS , buaya and myself took turns disturbing him.

slowly the room gets more and more crowded, OB, nfb, Taka and a few others (sorry i cannot remember who. i was drunk too!) started joining in. (Taka did not drink though.) then OB starts to get high too.

by now me and SS were only about 10% sober. haha i remembered that OB was disturbing SS.

Biangz, i really take my hats off ah fren. not only did he drinks for himself, he was drinking for NFB. drank half for OB, tried to make me drink by drinking another cup himself first. haha This young guy really can drink!

i remember NFB did an impersionation of.. SPORTY SPICE! haha we were all laughing like crazy. nfb really went all out to entertain us. haha he was a CLASSIC! i think almost everyone who stayed at the chalet will remember that. haha it was so damn funny. oh ya, throughout the stay, NFB really went all out to make sure no one starves. when i grow old and alone, haha i will sure request for him to be my flatmate! haha

i remember that the drinking stopped, only when everyone was almost dead drunk. and we could actually see the sun raising. everyone just went back to their own room and sleep.

haha i think i slept for about 2-3 hours, and i woke up having the urge to pee. post peeing, i went into every room to look for Taka, cos he have to work, and i have no idea where is he. anyway i later discovered that he have went to work already.

(Names have been edited to protect the identity of the individuals, room numbers have been shuffled to protect the identity of the individuals sleeping in that room) hahaha

in my room, 2 single bed have been pushed together, to form a big bed. and 4 ppl including myself were sleeping on it. haha one of the guy were wrapped up in a cacoon! haha from head to toe wrapped up in blankets. haha

i went into room Alpha. first i was surprised to see A sleeping alone in the room on a Queen size bed.. then i realised why.. the snoring.. Woah. happening!

next i went into room Bravo. woah.....2 people were sharing a queen size bed. one of them using another party as a human bolster....

then i proceed to the last room...so unhappening... the 2 single beds were each occupied by only one person. haha

next i proceed downstairs... someone was sleeping at the sofa...

then i went to the kitchen to get some drinks, only to discover that someone have lined up 4 dining chair and were sleeping on it!~ poor thing. haha

for the party that took place on that very night, please refer to the blog of my friend.
Sotongball blog

i only wanted to add in.... right before the party took place.... a few other regulars whom did not stay overnight, came early, so they were watching us play mahjong. somehow ended up with 2 ppl playing strip mahjong! hahaha one of them stripped to become topless... the other party stripped till his boxers!!! (but that was cause he insisted that his glasses, rings and necklace is also considered a clothing item. :P) if not, he would have become butt naked by then. haha

during the party games, wah. i realised that quite a number of people actually really reads what i wrote in my blog siar. haha no one is willing to shake my right hands too. hahaha

and.... yes.....someone did ask for my number after the party. :P


anyway. would like to dedicate the below song to a Special Someone. thks for everything.

棱角 = Vulgar

Was listening to this song..... and towards the back part.... !!!!!!!!!!!!!

She sang "世界可以抹去我的Lan Jiao" !!!!! so happening! ahaha quickily go find the lyrics..... and discovered its actually "世界可以抹去我的棱角“

so Farney! haha anyway the part is at 3.44min of the below mtv. :P dun believe? go listen to it yourself!

An Interesting Theory.

what are the things that you will be comfortable to do with your partner?

will you eat his leftover food?

will you use his bath towels?

will you wear his clothes?

will you drink from his cup?

i have a friend, whom, refuse to share a cup with his bf. reason he gave was...... "Its unhygienic". i was totally taken aback. i mean..... what's the deal? he and his bf have been "displaying public affection" all the time! (read: kissing) haha when you actually dares to kiss the source of bacteria directly (read: the mouth), i simply do not see what is the big deal sharing the same cup. hahaha ya... by the way, he and his bf have been attached for 1 year and 2 months. :P

i was quite amused, when he actually gave me a very interesting theory.......

he highlighted that... "you do blowjobs right? do you enjoy blowing? (yeah..... and?) well....ask your date to pee on the floor then. and you go lick on the spot where he just urinated, will you?"

i was quite taken aback by his explaination. haha yeah... true...... i will put his dick into my mouth, and suck like no tomorrow, but i am unwilling to go lick on the spot where he just peed. hahaha

on deeper thoughs, yeah..... i enjoy rimming..... (you do know that bacteria from his arse will be passed into your mouth) but i will never go eat his shit from the loo. hahaha its just like, you find the shit disgusting, but yet you enjoy licking on the very same hole, where shit comes out from. hahaha or put your dick into a storage place in someone's body that stores shit. hahaha

same goes for.... if you are willing to drink from someone's cup... does that means you are willing to kiss that person? LOLLLL

interesting theory......


Song Of The Day: Garbage -- #1 Crush

Not For Weak-Hearted.

was chatting over the internet with some friends, and i accidently leaked out information that i have participated in Fisting before.....

erm... let me just highlight that today's posting is NOT for the Weak Hearted....

geddit? but still wanna read on? okie..... i shall continue.

okie.. when i was in my very early 20s, Stoner was a very wild person. life's motto was. "Try Everything Once" . always curious to know what everything is like, and so happens that the chatroom i used to frequent, always have a lot of weird weird invitations wan. hahaha (lucky me) haha i can safely say that i have tried most of the things that you can only imagine... that is also why nothing seem to surprise me anymore nowadays. haha

anyway one fine day (ya. everyday is a fine day), and i was chatting in a chatroom again... ( everytime the same chatroom) someone with the nick "FistFuck" pvted me. and started asking for ASL. (just in case. ASL = Age Sex Location)

anyway i only remember that i was chatting with him for a while, then the topic stopped at his nick, i seriously have no idea on what is fisting..... and somehow the conversation went on with me showing him my pics, and then he invited me to a private party the next day afternoon. and that i can have a clear picture on what is Fisting...... 2 more of his friends will be joining in.....

anyway i went the next day. i remember he was staying in Pasir Ris. during that time, there were no direct bus to Pasir Ris from Yishun. And i was just a poor NS boi. haha so i actually took MRT from Yishun all the way to Pasir Ris... spent about 1 hour plus on the Mrt (Really got heart! hahaha)

anyway his place was a ted too difficult to find. so after a few phone calls asking for directions, i finally reach his place. my sweat was out in full force! haha anyway, a lean and tanned guy wearing spectacles came to open the door. he was not wearing any tops, was only wearing a short FBT black jogging shorts. he was rather small built. he didn't look like 32 years old, as he told me.. in fact he looked 26 or 27 years old ba... i shall call him F here.....

i entered his flat, 2 of his friends were already sitting in the living room. (one of them was also invited over through internet, and that was his first time there too) i shall call one of them A and one of them B for easy reference. F served us drinks. the atmosphere was rather awakward. all like blur sotong, dunno what to do or tok. After a few mins of silence, F suggested going into the room....

B is very muscular type, standing at around 180, his is of stocky muscular built. a bit like those body builder. mind you, during that time, gymming was still not IN yet. so quite hard to see ppl with those type of muscular built. i never did ask his age, but he looks 28 to me.

A is a cub. he is very meaty, very fair, and he wears pair of clack spectacules. i remember him the most, cos i had my eyes on his butt and tighs, that was very snuggly covered by his jeans. in fact it look so tight that i tot i can clearly see the buldge on the front part of his jeans... he looks early 30s to me.

wah. write so much and i have not even went into the story yet. LOL anyway to cut the story short. it started off with a 4some. meaning, eveyone took their clothes off, except F, who was wearing / and he remained clothed in his white Jock Strap.

soon everyone was kissing and feeling up each other. i quickily stood near A, (whom i have been eyeing the moment i step into the house :P) and i think A was interested in me too. so end up, 1 pair of us were like engaging in sexual acts on one side of the double size bed. and another pair were on other side of bed doing their things. we do reach over and kiss/ stroke other parties too. in short,

we were doing a 4 some. haha i remembered at one point of time, the 4 of us were each on one side of the 4 sides, forming a circle, giving blowjobs to each other.

anyway F seem to enjoy the process of giving pleasures, rather than receiving. so at one point of time.... the me and A was standing there on the bed, letting him fit both our dick into his mouth... while B was fucking him from below..... (B was lying down, F was sitting on him, and me and A were standing there in front of F)

i remember the playful me even tried to stick one finger into F's arse when B was fucking him. he was moaning in pleasure. hehehe (See how adorable am i? hehe)

at one point of time..the fucking stopped and F got out of the bed, opened his drawer, came back with a big bottle of white stuff. (which i later heard is dunno simi petroluem lubricant or what) its very different from the water based KY that we are using at this time. its totally white in colour, and its ultra lagi slippery when applied on your hands. the downside is that the smell.....er...horrible ... smells a bit like stale card board / boxes.

B applied a lot onto his fingers up to his wrist... and i was still thinking "Wah need to apply until wrist for fingering nia ah?!"

then B slowly insert 2 of his fingers in... then 3... then 4 (except his thumb) i was dumbfolded then. i din know that 4 fingers can fit into an arse! F wash squerming like no body's business. then B's hand starts shaking very violently, which in turns makes F scream (in pleasure or pain i dunno.)

by this time, me and A were very interested to see what was going on liao. so we actually stopped what we were doing, and walk over to see what F and B was doing.

B took out his hands, formed his fingers together. forming a chicken's peck's, and try inserting into F's Ass. F was screaming even louder. but he never asked B to stop.

bit by bit.... cm by cm i saw B's hand went into F's ass.. the most time consuming part i think will be the knuckles part. B was gently trying to rotate his hands left and right, but it just won't go pass that part.

somehow B manage to get his whole palm into F's ass... F is letting out a very weird sound. as if wan to scream, as if wan to cry, i dunno. but at the same time, as if very shiok. my eyes and A's eyes almost popped out. seeing B's palm disappeared totally into F's arse. somehow there is somthing about F's squeaming sound that is kindda turning me on. :P

then i heard F asking me if i wanna try doing the same thing dat B was doing to him..... i dunno why. but i agreeded! haha

anyway, i applied that same white colour cream and slowly trying to immitate B, but trying to push my hands in with 5 fingers pressed together forming a chicken's beak.

his ass felt warm actually, and maybe cos i ws immediately after B, so the hole was a bit loose liao. very easy to shaft my while hands in up to wrist level. A was sitting beside me trying to digest what he just saw. hahaha a cute guy with naive attitute.

anyway, with A and B holding on and spreading F's leg as wide as possible. i managed to insert my whole hands in.. then B ask me to apply lubricant onto my whole arms. after which , he ask me to insert my hands deeper and deeper.

there was a point of time i inserted in my hands up till my elbow area... he was squaming so loud that you really scared that his

neighbour might get the wrong idea. and mind you, i am definately NOT skinny, and i am considered quite big-boned. so my arms are considered huge. i can practicallly feel the pelvis bone squeezing on the sides of my forearms! i was so scared that his arse might break anytime! There were times where i tot F was screaming in ecstasy, but it also look like he was screaming in pain, but he did not ask me to stop.

i shall skip certain parts. cos i really forgot some of the details. but what i wanna share is that... when my hands came out of F's arsehole...which F was begging me to be gentle. The most difficult part about fisting, i think is when your knuckles pass through the asshole. cos that's where the bone is at the widest....

anyway the whole process is carried out VERY slowly. haha by now, A and myself have lost our "hardness", but erm. B was still hard! he must be really turned on by all the screamings.

anyway..... when i finally pulled out my hand out of his arse.... the sight was sickening.... there were shits stuck on the gaps of my fingers.... i couldn't make out they were shits, or what. imagine all the white lubricant, mixed with brown stuffs...and there were quite a lot of amount of blood too....... all stained on your hands. and the worst part is..... the SMELL..... ew..... HORRIFYING! i think soon the air-con room is filled with that smell.....

after i pulled out, i was looking at his arse.... the HOLE WAS SO BIG that it was so scary! i could see the inside of his rectum! though the hole was contracting slowly, but it was still VERY BIG!!! oh ya, and through the process, F could not sustain his hardon also.

i cannot understand why F is so into fisting anyway. Yucks.! anyway, B inserted his dick into F and start fucking. (EWWWWW......) i was thinking...... BIANGZ. the hole is so big! and your dick is avg... doesn't it feels like using a toothpick, stirring a coffeecup?!?!?! how the hell he is still able to fuck F?

anyway i left the room immediately to rush to the toilet to wash. A followed me. haha A was helping me wash off everything in the toilet... i tell you... even after 1-2 days, i still feels that i can smell the disgusting things on my arms!

to cut the story short.... me and A left the place without cumming. but A asked for my number. and. i did meet up with A again for another session of "Normal" sex. a few days later. :P

Pissed again

planned for mahjong last nite. confirmed with A and B, as C was not around, so decided to confirm with C this morning....

early in the morning at 8am i sms C. C said he is okie.... i then sent an sms to all.... and went to office..... 10 oclock received a SMS from C saying his boss wans him to OT today. so he cannot join mahjong.......

had to activate D to come join mahjong... when everything was finalised and i already on half day off reached home liao.........

A suddenly say he not joining, cos he meeting someone else....

actually..... is not really a big issue if the mahjong is cancelled.........

but then.... i realised that i cancelled an appointment tonight for nothing, busy smsing around getting confirmation for nothing, took half day for nothing, and worst. that was my last "Half-Day" liao.

I do not like to be stood up at the very last min, for some reason unknown.

Alright i am pissed....but i am only human.

for the above mentioned parties. please do not even talk to me for the next few days. thank you.

Eye candy

i doubt that anyone actually knows that Stoner is attracted to human thighs of a man. . nice toned thunder thighs, that are not too tann.
haha whenever someone, wearing a high cut jogging shorts, walks pass, no matter how ugly that person might be, haha he always will get my 2nd glance. (he must be a chinese to begin with though.)

haha on my way to nephew's house today, my cab stopped at a traffic junction in yishun. saw this particular guy waiting for the traffic light to turn green at the junction. and so happens that my cab was just beside him...... the moment i look over.... i was like.... WOW....drool~~~~~ nice thighs~ then i start to look up... Wah.... YANDAO! haha can't help myself so quickily took out my handphone and snap a pic.



this is one of the time where i wished that i was using a 5MP cameraphone! too day... i was only using sony ericsson W910i. 2MP nia. so the quality sucks big time... must remember to buy a cameraphone with 5 Mega pixel soon.... *sad*

anyway just now i went around walk walk. and came upon this store selling T Shirts. immediately these 2 T shirts caught my attention. haha every design have 3 colours to choose from. and i bought one each. i think i really like the design quite a lot. so i intend to go back buy one in every colour. hahaha







Very cheena. and VERY cheap. one T shirt only $10 nia~ but no brand wan lar. but still, i like. :P

My older Nephew's birthday is just around the corner, so i was out hunting a birthday present for him. settled on this PS2 controller, which is actually a steering wheel, with gear and brakes included. it says that its compatible with PS1, PS2, PS3 and PC USB. wah. so multi function. anyway i brought it to him just now. he was jumping high and low! wah. he really loved it. hehehe


I'm such a nice uncle. haha