Dunno why, was feeling under the clouds recently. seems like everything in my life is not going as smoothly as i had hope to be. a few friends know that i am experiencing some kindda depression. and all of a sudden, i get smses asking me to take things easy...They had thought that i was being dumped or something. haha
haha nope, i hereby clarify that my love life is doing great. in fact, i was hoping that every other things happening around me will be as great as my love life. sigh.... but things just never happens the way you want them to i presume...
having insomia for the past few night... falling asleep only till wee hours in the morning. Am currently taking valium for my depression and insomia. however i also am fully aware that nothing/no one can help you get out of a depression, but yourself. in a way, i'm kindda used to it already. i will definately get myself out of this pit asap. cos at the end of the day, life goes on.
came home from work today, and my mum starts complaining to me about my 2nd brother. for those who are unaware, i have 2 brother. one 10 year older, another one 9 years older. my cute nephews are the sons of my eldest brother. i am currently staying with my mum and 2nd brother.
My mum had a slip disc on her neck and suffered a minor stroke last year, thus causing her paralyse for a while. even though she had now regain her ability to walk and such... she is no longer able to work. i can still remember that time, everyday after work, i will rush down to Changi Hospital just to let her see that her son is doing well, buy her food, feed her.....
anyway... for the longest time, i have been paying for all the bills, buying all the groceries at home, everything would still be considered comfortable. nowadays i increased the amount of pocket money for my mum's usage. all i had to do is just to cut down on my personal expenses. which i should still be leading a comfortable life.
HOWEVER, due to the fact that i have my 2nd brother staying with use. all of a sudden i felt like he is draining the life force out of my mum and myself.
My 2nd brother is those type of people who will turn to family for assistance, when he is in financial difficulty. and for more than 20 days in a month, he seem to forever be in financial difficulty. even though he is holding a full time job himself!
i had lived in silence that he had not contributed a single cent for household expenses or the fact that he had not contributed for mum's pocket money. he will actually goes to my mum's wallet and take money WITHOUT telling or asking my mum.
When i see him at home, i usually just treat him as transparent. i figured out this way will be the best way to accomodate him in my life. Being nicer to him a bit, and he will start to find chance to borrow money from you. or should i not use the word borrow.... as he NEVER returns..
there was once i visited my aunt, whom dotes on me when i was younger, and i learnt that my 2nd bro bumped into my cousin in the street one day, after a few exchange of words, he actually tried to borrow money from my cousin, all within 30 mins! dispite having not met my cousin for more than 10 years. my cousin was taken aback, but lent him the money.. end up, i coughed out the money to pass to my aunt to return my cousin.... and i was only about 22 years old then!
and i always remember that when i was still in my teens... my 2nd brother accumulated gambling debts outside... came home, pled with my mum to help him.... end up... my mum went around borrowing money, even from loan sharks, to clear my brother's debt.... only to get into great debt herself. and she spent the next few years paying back the loan sharks every month. My 2nd brother initially promised to pay back the debt if my mum helped him.... but in the end... he stop giving the money to my mum within 3 months... and my mum paid back every single cent to all the debtors herself...
Cos my dad passed away early, and my mum and eldest brother have to work to support the family then. thus i was often left to fend for myself, i remember that when i was in my primary school, i was given $8 daily for all 3 meals and transport. and my 2nd brother will come "borrow" $4 from me on a daily basis. i was kindda scared of him, thus i never dared to voice out..... sigh
a few years back, he busted all his credit cards and all the banks started coming up to my house to chase for money. my 2nd brother of course lead an easy life. all he need to do is not come home. and i will be the one to open the door, tell the debter that he no longer is living with us.. end up all lawyer letters came... and when it got serious.... pled for help with my mum again. as you know... MOTHERS.. never beared to see her son die.... started going around borrowing money to help him clear his debts again... dispite my objection. end up? of cos she landed herself in debt again, and my brother never paid back to her as "promised"
when we shifted to this current house many years back, my brother was tasked to pay the town council bills. just imagine... town council bills... every month only about $30 MAX... he can accumulate until dunno a few hundred dollars... and when the lawyer letter came addressed to my mum... i have to cough out $1200 to pay town council! that is includiing the lawyer fee and penelty. imagine that.... i have to pay $1200 for town council bills! damn.
the final straw came when my mum had the stroke and slip disc and was admitted to hospital. i already was wondering how cum he will visit my mum everyday. thought that he had come to his sense.... only later to learn that.... he was there for a simple reason.... MONEY. you see... relatives will come to visit my mum... and usually will give some ang bao to my mum for her to buy tonics or whatever.... HE of cos kept all the ang bao for himself....and that is not all......HE ACTUALLY TRIED TO ASK MY MUM TO HELP HIM BORROW MONEY FROM LOAN SHARK FOR HIM! even though my mum was basically paralyse and bed ridden! lucky mum understand that in her situation, she will not be able to pay, me and my eldest bro will never pay for him anyway. so his request was turned down. and Surprise ( i am not), after my mum rejected, he no longer visits my mum... till my mum comes home.
a few times previously, i had tried to throw him out of the house, but mum interfere.... saying that he would have no where to go.. for the sake of my mum, i let him stay in MY house.
my mum knowing that i am very "Siong" recently paying everything, including my mum's debt, have told my brother to start to contribute some amount to help out with the utility bills... but he always gave her crap reasons...
so today think my mum really was fed up. she finally gave clearance for me to confront my brother. so she call my brother and passed me the phone. i merely told him over the phone coldly that i know its impossible to get back the money that we paid for him in the past.... but mum wanted him to contribute to utility bills, so i ask him how much does he intend to contribute.
he told me he is in a middle of something and will talk when he gets back. and i told him "FINE. I WILL WAIT FOR YOU. If you think i am as easy to speak to like mum... or if you intend to just not come back tonight... i WILL BE CHANGING LOCK by morning before i go to work" with that i hung up the phone.
a while later i received an sms. (i din even bother to input his number into my handphone) saying "Bro, i will be late, i will pass you $100 every 5th of the month"
and i merely replied " You better do. any delays, i will AT MOST give you 1 week to pack your bags."
actually that $100 is not much, and is not gonna help much, think i will just incorporate it into my mum's pocket money. but at the end of the day, i just want him to not have the habit of just "say say" nia.
Afterall, my mum have warned my brother countless times that i am ready to throw him out of the house, and have been asking him to behave himself. And my brother, himself, knows that i usually do MEANT what i say. and will usually ACTION on my warnings.
oh ya... i also added another sms to him " i DO NOT WANT to hear mum complain that you went to take money from her wallet WITHOUT her knowing... EVER AGAIN."
many people have been wondering why i always have the stern look on my face... see? i have been trained since young. it is actually a blessing that my brother is actually scared of me.
stay tuned to see if i had thrown him out of the house after 5th of April ba....
Damn.... i'm only 29. can't i have just a simple life?
i am just vexing my fustration.. but thanks for reading...
